In accordance with Boquin, limerence and love can begin off equally as a dopamine rush, which is why it may be complicated to identify. However whereas limerence is short-lived and conditional, real love is fluid and unconditional. If you actually love somebody, you need them to be joyful regardless of what they can provide you. The preliminary attraction develops over time and ultimately reinforces into one thing substantial and lasting.
“Love is extra regular and grounding whereas limerence leaves us with that feeling of being within the clouds,” Boquin explains. “Love is a deep connection that individuals develop after understanding each other, experiencing life collectively, and overcoming challenges collectively.”
Depanian provides that limerence typically comes with the tendency to disregard flaws and red flags: “With limerence, chances are you’ll end up hyper-focusing with reference to your affection (the limerent object) and their constructive traits to the purpose of ignoring present flaws, and directing your intense, irrational feelings in the direction of the concept of what they characterize for you rather than who that individual truly is in actuality.”
Should you’re nonetheless uncertain if you happen to’re on this dynamic, take into account it from this angle. Depanian explains that love stabilizes with companions bonding by way of mutual connection, pursuits, empathy, and shared experiences. Conversely, limerence is marked by depth after which fast destabilization. The projection can’t pull by way of sufficient to create a relationship because it’s not a sustainable mannequin for connection. “Love is rooted in connection, intimacy, mutuality, and actuality, whereas limerence is rooted in possession, obsession, jealousy, and delusions,” she notes.